Never

“Last night I got to love you like there’d never be anyone else.
This morning I woke up to the sound of you leaving.
You were packing your things and you were telling me you were sorry.
I watched you in silence and I didn’t ask you to stay.
When you were ready I walked you to the door and I closed all the windows.
I removed the ‘welcome’ doormat and I changed the locks because I know you’re going to come back.
You’re going to come back and you’re going to chose to love me then but by then, it’s going to be too late.
You can’t chose to not love me now and love me later because you’re scared or because you’re alone or because everything is caving in on you.
What I’m trying to tell you is that I love you but I know better now.
You’re never going to love me like I deserve and I shouldn’t have to keep waiting for you to get it right.”

No matter

“You don’t realize how much he ruined you until you start talking to someone new. You do not realize how much you miss the way he talked to you, the way he took care of you, until someone else tries to do those same things.You will think about the fact that you miss the way he was always there. You will think of the way his presence always calmed you and the way his touch lingered on your skin whenever he was gone.

You don’t realize how much you fucking ache for that familiarity, for the way you were comfortable and how normal it felt to love him. You don’t realize it but you look for it in everyone, and it keeps you up at night that you haven’t found anyone that can make you feel like he used to.

You don’t realize any of it till you meet someone new and think, oh god, maybe he could be someone that stays. The worst part is that you hardly recovered from the way the last guy tore you apart. The worst part is that it terrifies you to think that you could get attached to someone like that again, because it felt like you pinned your heart to your sleeve only for the needle to break through the skin. The idea of loving someone the way you loved him makes you sick because you never thought you’d ever have to find someone else to begin with.”

5 Times I Ignored How You Treated Me

“December 8th

You told me that if I ever need you, no matter what time of day it is, that you’d be a phone call away. I called you last night at 3 am sobbing so hard my sheets couldn’t muffle the sound but you didn’t pick up. I don’t know if it’s just ironic or a sign.

February 3rd

I asked you who she was and you told me she was nobody. I wonder if you’ll say the same thing about me when she asks who I am.
June 16th
When you told me about how you always feel sick I told you I would be there and do anything for you. But last night when I told you that I feel really sad sometimes you said that you didn’t have time to deal with my baggage. I guess you only have enough time for your own.

August 23rd

When you said you were tired, I couldn’t tell if you were saying you were tired of me or tired of us. I guess it was a combination of both, but apparently you’re not too tired for her. I don’t know if it’s life playing a joke or just me but I haven’t slept all fucking week.

October 11th

I know forever is a long time, but you still promised it to me when your forever wasn’t yours to give away. Not when you promised it to every other fucking girl that made it easier for you to sleep at night.”