How to Pretend It Doesn’t Hurt

“When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, roll your shoulders back and look him in the eye even when it feels like your ribs are breaking inward; like spider legs. When he digs up old aches that he swore he forgave you for, smile and ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner. Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper running all the way up your throat to your mouth. When he blames you for mistakes that wear his face, do not scream. Do not cry. Tell him that there are boys who would be proud to say they’d love you. Tell him that in two years you won’t even remember his name and don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie. When he leaves, ignore the howling in your blood and do not get up after him. Not even to lock the door. Do not, do not, DO NOT. Smell his shirts when you box them up to give them back. Not one. Swear off dating when you realize you’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile. It’s okay to cry over him. It’s even okay to forgive him. But do not go back to him if he did not know how to love you the first time. He won’t know how to do it the next.”

5 Times I Ignored How You Treated Me

“December 8th

You told me that if I ever need you, no matter what time of day it is, that you’d be a phone call away. I called you last night at 3 am sobbing so hard my sheets couldn’t muffle the sound but you didn’t pick up. I don’t know if it’s just ironic or a sign.

February 3rd

I asked you who she was and you told me she was nobody. I wonder if you’ll say the same thing about me when she asks who I am.
June 16th
When you told me about how you always feel sick I told you I would be there and do anything for you. But last night when I told you that I feel really sad sometimes you said that you didn’t have time to deal with my baggage. I guess you only have enough time for your own.

August 23rd

When you said you were tired, I couldn’t tell if you were saying you were tired of me or tired of us. I guess it was a combination of both, but apparently you’re not too tired for her. I don’t know if it’s life playing a joke or just me but I haven’t slept all fucking week.

October 11th

I know forever is a long time, but you still promised it to me when your forever wasn’t yours to give away. Not when you promised it to every other fucking girl that made it easier for you to sleep at night.”