Congratulations on losing the only girl who had your back. I almost feel pity for you, you didn’t even realize you were giving away the one person who’d stuck around for your constant bullshit and drama. Maybe it was because she loved you or maybe it was because she thought she could see the reflection of a better person through all of your flaws. Perhaps she looked passed all of mistakes because having you in her life was more important than any of the wrong doings and damage you’d caused. She was naive, but she was not dumb and soon enough the light in her eyes that lit the room when she looked at you burnt out. The text messages, phone calls, it was all gone. Voicemail became the only way to reach her. She stopped finding small ways to see you but when you bumped into her on accident sometimes, the smile that’d she greet you with that was filled with hope was exchanged with a small glance but the floor always seemed to have her attention when you tried to make conversation. You remember the days when you were everything, and now you’re nothing.
God has a way of stripping everything that we think we need, and He leaves just Himself to us. It is never an easy thing to be in that situation; one day praising God for His goodness and the next crying out to Him to make Himself known in the storm.When we have rooted ourselves to a safe place, God tends to rip us out of the ground and plant us somewhere new. We may hate it, revile Him for it, and even reject Him for a time. But when we look back, we will see that we needed to be uprooted, to be changed from that place that was slowly killing us.
God is the master gardener, He knows all His plants by name, He delicately removes the bad weeds and waters the good seeds. He does what needs to be done, so that one day we can look back and see the majesty that He was doing.
You are being made into a beautiful thing, something that God loves to watch grow. So the next time you are taken out of your comfort zone, know that Christ is slowly making you something great, because He is doing it; and He is the greatest thing.
“Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren’t legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this.”
When they ask you about her, Tell them how you loved her. Tell them how she made your heart shake and hands tremble. Tell them how you memorized the smell of her perfume.
Tell them how she gave you the world, Tell them how you didn’t even give her a backbone to trust. Tell them how her heart beated too fondly for you to comprehend.
Tell them how she was the most beautiful orchid you had ever seen, Tell them how you settled for just a handful of dandelions.
But don’t forget to tell them about how you just couldn’t keep her.
I still miss you but I guess it’s different now. I’ve finally realized that I can’t keep putting my life on pause for you and I refuse to sit here and wait for you while you’re having the time of your life out there.
So honestly, all I’m going to say is whatever. You can keep doing what you’re doing and I’m going to get on with my life now, regardless of the fact that it won’t be with you and damn how I wanted it to be you but sometimes in life, things just don’t work out for a reason right? I’ll just have to trust that this is how it’s supposed to be. So know that I’m always going to miss you but the waiting is stopping here. Next time you try to call me, I won’t be there anymore.