This Is For You 

“This is for you:I miss you like hell. I know that maybe right now there isn’t enough room for me in your life and that’s okay. It’s not something you need to apologize for because I love you too goddamn much to ever want you to do anything but what makes you happy. So I hope you’re happy and I hope that wherever it is you are, you find yourself smiling even on the bad days. I hope that you have people who never let you forget that you are loved. Because you are loved and you deserve to know it. 

I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll see you again soon. Until then, I wish you laughter and good times. Until then, I want you to know that you don’t need to apologize for anything. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. You there and me here and both of us sharing our lives with other people but not with each other. 
I guess what I’m trying to say is- I’m hoping that the universe will give us another chance. I’ve always believed deeply in second chances and perhaps someday we could try again, and if it happens that we cannot, then remember this- I have loved you from beginning to end. I will always. ”

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How to Pretend It Doesn’t Hurt

“When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, roll your shoulders back and look him in the eye even when it feels like your ribs are breaking inward; like spider legs. When he digs up old aches that he swore he forgave you for, smile and ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner. Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper running all the way up your throat to your mouth. When he blames you for mistakes that wear his face, do not scream. Do not cry. Tell him that there are boys who would be proud to say they’d love you. Tell him that in two years you won’t even remember his name and don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie. When he leaves, ignore the howling in your blood and do not get up after him. Not even to lock the door. Do not, do not, DO NOT. Smell his shirts when you box them up to give them back. Not one. Swear off dating when you realize you’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile. It’s okay to cry over him. It’s even okay to forgive him. But do not go back to him if he did not know how to love you the first time. He won’t know how to do it the next.”