Fuck you

“So if you’re not talking to me again, which means you must’ve made up your mind cause i know i’ve made up mine. i’m tired of being your second, if-it-doesn’t-work-out choice. i’m tired of waiting for your replies and making up reasonable excuses in my head for why i don’t receive one. i’m done trying not to think about you during the days, and losing sleep when i can’t escape the thought of you at night. you planted seeds in my soul, let the flowers grow in the cracks of my bones, then stopped watering them, stopped caring.”well they’re dead now, so fuck you. 

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This Is For You 

“This is for you:I miss you like hell. I know that maybe right now there isn’t enough room for me in your life and that’s okay. It’s not something you need to apologize for because I love you too goddamn much to ever want you to do anything but what makes you happy. So I hope you’re happy and I hope that wherever it is you are, you find yourself smiling even on the bad days. I hope that you have people who never let you forget that you are loved. Because you are loved and you deserve to know it. 

I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll see you again soon. Until then, I wish you laughter and good times. Until then, I want you to know that you don’t need to apologize for anything. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. You there and me here and both of us sharing our lives with other people but not with each other. 
I guess what I’m trying to say is- I’m hoping that the universe will give us another chance. I’ve always believed deeply in second chances and perhaps someday we could try again, and if it happens that we cannot, then remember this- I have loved you from beginning to end. I will always. ”

I am tired of telling this story 

“I am tired of writing this story. 
The one in which you never stop leaving. 
The one in which I never stop waiting. 
I am tired of writing this story. 
The one in which you don’t love me at all.
The one in which I love you more than I love myself. 
I am tired of writing this story. 
The one in which you never stop hurting me. 
The one in which I never stop looking back. 
This story is getting old now. 
Everybody’s tired. 
I am tired.
By the time I am done with this sorry attempt at a poem, there won’t be any applause. 
Everybody’s heard this story a million times before. 
Even strangers shiver at the mention of your name without knowing why. 
I don’t just shiver. 
My knees stop working. 
My feet don’t move. 
I realize I am right where you left me. 
I am telling this story from the only place you know from the inside out. 
I am telling this story for the millionth time and in my own ways, I am crazy. 
I’m tired of telling this story. 
The ending isn’t ever any different. 
I am at the end of this sorry attempt at a poem and nobody is clapping. 
There isn’t anything beautiful about hanging on to what you have to let go of.”

How to Pretend It Doesn’t Hurt

“When he says he doesn’t love you anymore, roll your shoulders back and look him in the eye even when it feels like your ribs are breaking inward; like spider legs. When he digs up old aches that he swore he forgave you for, smile and ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner. Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper running all the way up your throat to your mouth. When he blames you for mistakes that wear his face, do not scream. Do not cry. Tell him that there are boys who would be proud to say they’d love you. Tell him that in two years you won’t even remember his name and don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie. When he leaves, ignore the howling in your blood and do not get up after him. Not even to lock the door. Do not, do not, DO NOT. Smell his shirts when you box them up to give them back. Not one. Swear off dating when you realize you’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile. It’s okay to cry over him. It’s even okay to forgive him. But do not go back to him if he did not know how to love you the first time. He won’t know how to do it the next.”

A letter to the next girl he loves

” Maybe he’ll be good to you and love you like he was supposed to love me, but I don’t think he knows how yet. So be warned, he’s too easy to love. You’ll meet him and three days later you’ll miss him the second he stops texting back. It doesn’t matter how tough you think you are, you’re not when it comes to him. He can turn you from a thunderstorm to a rain puddle dripping down the side of the street. Be warned, just because he falls asleep on the phone with you doesn’t mean he isn’t texting four other girls while he listens to your breath on the other side of the phone and the way you love him more than anything bursting from your laugh. And I’m sure he loves you, he probably really does but just because he loves you doesn’t mean he won’t love all the rest of them too. He’ll tell you he hates girls with brown hair and kiss one the next night. He’ll tell you you’re all he needs and you’ll believe him. So will the girl he said it to this morning. You’ll probably love him through the lying. I guess I just wanted to tell you to leave the first time he hurts you. Because he’ll do it again. And again. And it doesn’t matter how many times he calls you baby and says he loves you. It doesn’t matter that he says he’s going to change for you. He’s going to break you down with every blow to the chest and every little excuse until your heart crumbles under your ribs and he’s too busy fucking somebody else to care this time.”

Isn’t it?

do you ever love someone,
you know they are not meant for you,
nor are you meant for them,
but you wish you were?
you are okay with not being with them,
but yet you wish you were,
there is someone else out there,
waiting for you,
yet you wish it wasn’t so,
oh how you wish,
that you could be with the wrong ones,
that it could work out,
but it won’t ever,
yet you feel sad,
you feel cheated,
why did the universe not chose them for you?
you are so wrong for each other,
but in many ways so right,
it just isn’t fair is it?

For the people…

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go.

Maybe if…

Maybe if we become strangers, you would remember me better.
Maybe if we become strangers, you would reminisce our moments together.
Maybe if we become strangers, I wouldn’t be as bitter.
Maybe if we become strangers, I wouldn’t care if you chose her.
Maybe if we become strangers, you would miss me like you never.
Maybe if we become strangers, you would at least start to wonder.
Maybe if we become strangers, I wouldn’t wish you could be better.
Maybe if we become stranger, I wouldn’t care if you love her.
Maybe… we should’ve stayed strangers…

God, it is beautiful

“And so, you just do it. 
You get up, and you say to yourself, 
“I don’t care if my heart is bleeding. I don’t care if thinking of him touching someone else’s skin hurts so bad that some days I can’t even form sentences. I’m not going to let this ruin my life anymore.” 
And just like that, you move on. 
You get out of bed. You look in the mirror and whisper his name until it doesn’t mean anything anymore as it rolls off your tongue. 
You wear his favorite dress and you accept that compliment from another man in the grocery store. 
You get in the shower and feel his fingerprints rinse from your skin. 
You lick your lips without tasting his mouth. 

And baby, you move on with your life. 
It will take a long time. Don’t expect to wake up one morning and never think of him again. 
You’ll move on, but there will be days you still miss him. 
And that’s okay, love. Some days will hurt more than others. 
But you live. 
You visit beautiful places, and you meet beautiful people, and you live. 
You learn that he isn’t the end of everything. 
You learn to be happy on your own. 
And God, it is beautiful.”